Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Bona fides


I want proper introductions. In an ideal world I would marry someone I either already know or someone introduced to me by a friend. I really think my social life should run along Austenian lines.

In fact, I not only want introductions, I want to be thrown together with someone until I wind up loving, loathing or verifying my own indifference to them. To quote Luke Danes, "That's the romantic way to do this, d___ it!"

But that isn't what I've got, and I find that I've no idea how much leeway to give to social relationships when there has been no proper introduction, and therein lies perhaps my biggest Match.com/dating issue. What does one do without the fact of 'Belle introduced me to Mr. Doe' which leads to 'well, if Belle likes him, there must be something there' which leads to sufficient patience to not throw the baby out with the 'oh my lord, Mr. Doe doesn't read fiction - ever' bathwater. (And, by the same token, how do people manage not to throw me out over any number of teensy little quirks that might reasonably cause a 'Danger, Will Robinson, Danger' reaction, unless I've got bona fides?)

Emily Post, where are you when I need you!

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Weed out

So I’m taking a Match.com break - rather pathetic, actually, since I stalled for almost 9 months in putting a profile up (as measured by the time between the infamous 'Pimp Me Out' party and the profile going active) and then tried the whole thing for about 6 weeks and went on three Face-to-Face meetings. I’m frankly exhausted by the process. Pathetic, pathetic, pathetic. But I don’t date often. Hell, I’ve never dated, if such term is understood to mean, say, engaging in hopefully pleasurable activities with another person to see if you might like each other. I go out with people I already like. I’ll examine that more later, since clearly I need to engage in an attitude adjustment on that front if I’m going to keep Match.com-ing.

But more exhausting than the meet and greet is the pain of reading over and over what people feel constitutes an adequate profile. Now, note, please, that these profiles are prepared in advance and on a computer - hello to the spellcheck. Is it, therefore, really that unreasonable to expect a little care to be taken on the profile? I understand that we all flub up in insta-communication. I understand that many of us have personal style choices or verbal or written ticks (Lord knows I have many - which I try to hide in my profile - not here of course - I mean, look at all these parentheticals and run-on sentences - I could give Hugo a run for his money, but I try to ease people into it. And I'm quite sure my writing is easier to take once you've heard me talk, because I sound pretty much like it looks here). But, in my opinion, style choices are choices only when one is choosing between, say, Strunk and White approved prose and some other evolved personal option. I'm begging for people on Match.com to lead with the Strunk and White option.

And I further note that I’ve lowered my standard so that the writing in a personal profile needn’t be clever. Fine, sell the steak, whatever. At this point I’m happy in an akin-to-finding-the-Comstock-Lode way just to discover a profile which exhibits a passing knowledge of little niceties like grammar, spelling and punctuation. I mean, today's menu features:

Exhibit A - an enmotionaly secure man with good values … [who] knows there own mind, and speeks it

and

Exhibit B - a honest man who would like to meet a honest lady and must be trustworthy and be my best friend and that should take care of how a relationship on where it goes from there this is important I would like the lady not to worry on what people say just to be happy with what we would have with each other and what we will go to in days and or years ahead if you would like to know anything else feel free to ask


What am I supposed to do with this? What?

Six Degrees of Me

Last night I discovered (as did Teddy, who looked up in shock as I suddenly sat straight up on the couch, pumping my fist in the air, shouting 'Two degrees! Two degrees!) that I am a short (you guessed it) two degrees removed from the divine Rufus Sewell.
And I know I've said it before, but I'll say it again - really - your life is not yet complete if you haven't seen Rufus as Petruchio in BBC's ShakespeaRE-Told. The Macbeth? Interesting, and provides some fun 'compare and contrast' meditations as one gouges one's eyes out watching this season's Top Chef. The Much Ado? You just can't go wrong with Beatrice and Benedict. Midsummer Night's Dream? Don't bother.
But the Taming of the Shrew? Clever, clever, clever, clever, smart, smart, smart adaptation and then tack on Rufusy hotness and Italian villas? And the boots. Sweet Jesus, the boots. Behold the birth of an obsession.

Monday, January 29, 2007

Thank goodness

for this 'news' item, which has perked up my day - The Dark Knight (sequel to Batman Begins) will be sans Katie Holmes. I mean, sorry about the shunning, hope the eventual divorce settlement is worth it and all - but, since it's all about me, I'm relieved not to have my willful suspension of disbelief stretched to the breaking point yet again when faced with Joey as tough district attorney type person. And, unlike Superman this summer, which I just didn't go to at all based on presumptive WSoD issues, I *must* see Christian as Batman again, and would have done so regardless of luuuuv-interest irritants.
But now there won't be one! Or if there is, at least it won't be Katie.

Jeez - I never shut up.


I lost my voice over the weekend, which smacked home just how much of my time is spent subjecting my poor dog to a rambling monologue/commentary. Le pooch Teddy is pretty much all that is standing between me and involuntary commitment. Thank you, Teddy!

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Peppermint! Lavender! Cucumber!

I’m planning to spend the next three months eradicating Life Dissatisfaction Factor A (weight/looks). I tell y’all now so you can be prepared to tell me how very much better I look in about a month - feel more than free to ask: have you lost weight? Are your teeth distinctly whiter? You look so rested and relaxed - are you finally gettin’ some?
I’ve tried to get the sort of feminist self-accepting mindset that I think I ought to have - but my shallow love of clothes (clothes! how I miss all my currently-not-fitting clothes) keeps getting in my way - and I just don’t carry extra weight in a way that allows for an elegant presentation of clothes - I can’t manage a ‘look.’ And I love wearing things that are so much a ‘look’ that they are almost a costume. I’m such a total spoon - I’ve got no boobs, so voluptuous is right out. My legs are short in relation to my torso, so the elegant Auntie Mame sortof flowing glamour? Also out. And I have a pinhead.
None of these inconvenient physical characteristics will be noticeable when I get rid of my butt and can once again wear jeans, a logo tee and cowboy boots.
So the great Home Spa thing started late last night/early this morning. Sadly, The Syndicate did not win Powerball, so it has to be a Home Spa. I’m shocked to be able to report that this morning saw me up doing Yoga Booty Ballet at 6:00 a.m. AND I made my breakfast AND I packed my lunch. Shocking.
Of course I forgot my lunch, despite the fact that I hung it from the door handle of the door I used to leave the house. Not shocking.
The first Spa series is ‘refresh’ which means a lot of peppermint and lavender and meditation and cucumber water. It’ll last 10 days ending on SuperBowl Sunday. Then I’ll have to think up a new theme.

Friday, January 19, 2007

Know your audience?

So here is a question I've been contemplating overnight - who-all do you tell that you've started a blog? Can I answer that in the black box state of not knowing things like 'what the hell am I planning to put out there?' 'Can I control my tendency to navel-gaze?' 'What offensive soap box might I pull myself up on?' 'Do I really want my siblings to know I'm on Match.com?'

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Sitting in the dark eating jujubees

Turning 39. And the planned event is pretty much the above. (OK, so not *that* pathetic - it'll be at a movie theater - with friends - and the theater has a bar - but still - dancing? No. 'Partying-as-a-verb'? No. And all this by my choice. Oh my 30s, where have you gone, I hardly knew ye? etc.)
So I'm also starting a blog. M-Bee? Ding? This is pretty much your doing. We'll see how it goes, what?