Indy.... (with SPOILERS)

Disappointment.

I loves me some Raiders of the Lost Ark. I enjoy The Last Crusade. However, as many know, I loathe Temple of Doom with the sortof loathing only comparable to the loathing I feel for such horrors as Brave Heart and Forest Gump.

And I find this latest - The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - to be between The Last Crusade and Temple of Doom on the 'pleasing summer fun' / 'I can't believe I just used up two hours of my life on this - and paid for the privilege' scale (and "between," in this instance, should be understood not to be halfway between, but about two thirds of the way toward the low end of that scale).

I sat around thinking 'why is this not working for me?' (and, yes, that tense is correct, as the thinking was going on while I was watching the movie - specifically at the point where Shia was engaged in a fencing match with Cate - that's right - fencing with swords - while they were each standing up on separate truck type vehicles - while said vehicles raced off-road through the jungle). I'm not sure when the Indiana Jones franchise decided they could lift sequences from Return of the Jedi (sans Jedi). I mean, is Lucas's imagination cupboard really that bare? Of course, since the film centers on the principal conceit of Close Encounters of a Third Kind...

You know what I like about the Bond reboot? Within a Bondian context, it seems reality based. The most outre set piece is prolly the race through the construction site - and at least Sebastien Foucan really can [do] parkour (I don't know if 'parkour' is a noun or a verb) so it seems at least conceivable that a really well trained Bond could parkour too (I have randomly assigned the 'verb' designation).

And Bond gets beat up.

Remember the Raider's boat scene? The charming quiet moment where Indy whined and moaned about the injuries sustained in the car chase from the dig to the docks and then collapsed into sleep? Tres adorable. Well, nothing like that to see here - either on the 'quiet moment' front or the 'actions have consequences' front - despite Indy surviving a nuclear explosion.

That is right - I said 'nuclear explosion.' Could I make that up? Would I make that up? C'mon now.

And, while it is true that the plot doesn't really hang together, and is five kinds of predictable, and the script forgot to bring the funny, and picks up and drops plot points with abandon and the ending is trite and unsatisfying - in the final analysis? It just wasn't realistic enough.

It made me want to go back and watch Ironman again. That's right - a dude who has an electromagnet powered by a car battery imbedded in his chest, which electromagnet keeps him alive by preventing shards of shrapnel from entering his heart, and which later powers his armored flying suit? A masterpiece of practically documentary-type realism in comparison to the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.